Thursday, September 1, 2011

Roll out the Red Carpet


Yes, by all means, welcome, college students, the lifeblood of our community.

And this year our largest contributor, UMass, has the largest incoming freshman class in history. Of course if they were attending Amherst Regional High School they would simply be called 9th graders since the term "freshman" is considered sexist. But I suppose we can't call college freshman 13th graders out of superstition.

Speaking of luck: please live by the Golden Rule your mother taught you and is sometimes forgotten in the haze brought on by alcohol consumption: "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you," otherwise bad luck will quickly come your way.

Now I know that can be confusing when everybody in your party is knock down drunk, yelling and screaming and urinating or vomiting on peoples front lawn, but I'm not--and your mother was not--talking about your friends. We are talking about the folks who live here year round and just maybe graduated from the esteemed University you now attend.

There have been two major changes this past year: Amherst Police Department has a zero tolerance for drunk and disorderly behavior, party houses disturbing the neighborhood, drinking in public and just plain loud noise. Each offense could get you a $300 fine and they are combinable; and if you don't pay the fines a warrant will be issued for your arrest.

UMass has also extended the "student code of conduct" to cover off-campus behavior. That too is combinable in that those expensive tickets for violating town by-laws can also get you expelled from school. And mom would not be overly pleased with that.

Okay, done with you party-hardy types. To the other 98.5% of students who come to our fair town for all the right reasons: Have a great semester!

(For a little background, click the label "nuisance house.")

19 comments:

Anonymous said...

Speaking of the start of the new school year, why are all the teachers wearing black at their orientation meeting this morning? Hint: lack of contract?

Larry Kelley said...

Hmm...That would make sense.

Let's see, they organized a flashmob at a June meeting of the School Committee (leaving the event while rhythmically clapping), so why not wear all black this morning.

Although maybe it represents the death of creativity in Public Relations.

ed said...

"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you," otherwise bad luck will quickly come your way.

Something that the Town of Amherst ought to understand in its relations with the UM students.

But no, we declare war and then wonder why we have problems...

Anonymous said...

We declare war? No, many students have wrongly declared Amherst their Vegas strip for nine months, and we're forced to help them understand that UMass dorms and off-campus housing is actually not the Mirage, the MGM or the Venetian. What you do here is study, not drink yourself to oblivion, scream at all hours and puke on your neighbor's lawns. If you want the later, go to Vegas. They'll welcome you with open arms.

Anonymous said...

Does anyone know why some of the flags in town are flying at half-mast?

Larry Kelley said...

"Governor Patrick has ordered the American and Commonwealth Flags to half-staff on Friday, September 2, 2011 from sunrise to sunset in honor of First Lieutenant Timothy J. Steele of Duxbury, Massachusetts who died in Afghanistan."

Anonymous said...

How bout a story about the MILLION DOLLAR surplus the town has announced!!!

Anonymous said...

I don't see how we've declared war on students.

How about some facts to support this?

Anonymous said...

Ed,

Please get used to food stamps because by now you've probably blogged your way to unemployable.

Anonymous said...

Wear black and ignore the superintendent at today's meeting?
I'm sure it was productive!

It reminds me of the April Fools class jokes we would plan in elementary school (at 10AM everyone will drop a pencil off their desk)

Thanks for the memory.

Anonymous said...

I guess there was no standing ovation for the superintendent this year.

Anonymous said...

Who said anything about ignoring the supt, besides you?

The town doesn't even know it yet but it finally got what it wanted, a supt who has pissed off all of the teachers.

Congrats! Now, let's get all those reforms rolling! Should be no problem.

Who in their right mind would want employees to feel good about their leader? I'm sure the teachers will do a much better job teaching our children now that their morale is low. What a terrific strategy!

Ed said...

Ed,
Please get used to food stamps because by now you've probably blogged your way to unemployable.


And you wonder why I use the word "fascist" to describe this purgatorial cesspool.

I do thank you for motivating me though. I really do. And let me teach a political science lesson here -- any system of government only survives indefinitely when the majority of the subjects see benefit (not punishment) in obeying its edicts. Otherwise, it inexorably uses more and more repressive means until it either (a) exceeds its enforcement ability (the 55 MPH speed limit, circa 1985), or its measures become unacceptably reprehensible (hanging Mary Dyer).

If the people running this town treated the students as they would want their own children to be treated -- and I don't mean when they are drunk and loud at a party, but way before then -- things would be better all around.

Ed said...

Let me explain:

Would you want YOUR child living in a firetrap? Moving into a filthy apartment that does not meet code? Boston's Mayor Menino said "no mas" to this a few years back -- yes, the city would hold the college kids accountable, but it also would hold the community accountable

Do you know how many UM students get hired for assorted odd jobs and are never paid? Would you want that for your kid?

It is just the attitude from the get-go, and it wasn't like this back in the '90s. It is making UMass into a commuter college -- and that, in the era of on-line education -- is going to shift jobs east and soon.

Ed said...

Speaking of the teachers dissing Maria G, weren't THEY the ones who WANTED her in the first place????

Welcome to Amherst, reality ends at the top of the hill before you fall down the rabbit's hole and through the looking glass....

Anonymous said...

Ed, fascism is the blend of govt with corporations, nothing more.

Anonymous said...

I'm with Anon 10:14.

Wasn't this the Super that the teachers wanted? Wasn't the last Super the one that the teachers wanted? Isn't this becoming the School Committee that the teachers wanted?

Perhaps being unhappy is simply part of the job. But an average salary of $63K/year for teachers strikes me as nothing to complain about.

I'm sure that I'll get it now.

Anonymous said...

The town doesn't even know it yet but it finally got what it wanted, a supt who has pissed off all of the teachers.

Details, please, details!

I honestly thought that it was the teachers who wanted Maria G -- Team Maria really seemed to have the basis of their support from there, so if she has managed to p*ss off her strongest supporters just 6 months or so after getting the job, well, that is significant...

Anonymous said...

anon@10:48

make that $63K/9months. Certainly not lavish, but also not something most folks would call underpaid. The days of crying that Amherst teachers are underpaid should be over. It is a reasonable salary with good benefits. Not many teachers in other communities can say the same